


Love Me, Love Me Not

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:33:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2522561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’m your weapon, your tool. I am not your lover," Levi spat.<br/>Erwin had thrown away hundreds of lives during his time as a Commander, so why was this one any different?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Me, Love Me Not

Erwin knew that he had Levi wrapped around his finger. When Isabel and Farlan bit the dust, he could tell that the smaller man was suffering. He mourned silently, and never showed it on the field. It fueled him and made him more ruthless, but it was all to the Survey Corps’ advantage. 

On the field, Levi accepted every single one of Erwin’s orders. While they planned their advancements, he waited for Erwin to speak before he put any words in. And when they fucked, Erwin had complete control. He made Levi scream and beg for him, and it felt like he was the only one in the world that could make the Corporal act like this. 

Levi’s hands would cling desperately to him, digging sharp fingernails into his flesh so they couldn’t be brought apart. He followed Erwin everywhere, did everything he asked, and made sure that the other soldiers were doing the same.

It was like having a personal army, condensed into a single person.

Levi would do anything for him. Even, if necessary, kill another human being. It was all for the good of humanity, he would say. But the commander knew it wasn’t true—it was all for him.

Erwin knew that he had Levi wrapped around his finger. Or, that’s what he had thought. His cock twitched inside of the smaller man, and he heard the same soft moan that he always heard, but this time, it made his heart skip a beat. 

Levi squirmed beneath him, but hardly fought against the restraints holding him to the bed. Both of his hands were tied to the bed post, while Erwin’s body kept the rest of him in place. The smaller man’s cock was painfully hard, and every time Erwin’s body so much as got near him, it twiched, and Levi’s back started to arch. He needed Erwin. With his hair plastered to his face, and his eyes wrenched shut, his guard was completely lowered. 

Something bubbled up in Erwin’s chest. His body ached, and a strange, tingling electricity ran through his body. He grabbed at Levi’s erection, and shuddered once more. This was too good. Levi tensed up and came in his hand, and Erwin followed soon after.

Levi sat up almost immediately, and made his way into the bathroom to clean himself. He wasn’t one for unnecessary physical contact after sex—he hated cuddling, and he hated lingering idly in Erwin’s bed. 

This time, when he got up, Erwin’ felt his hand twitch, yearning to reach out and stop him. Just this once, he wanted Levi to stay with him.

That’s when he acknowledged that a problem was arising.

~~

Erwin watched Levi shoot ahead of their group, and launched himself at the neck of the titan heading towards them. An abnormal. It was running at a disgusting, deformed sort of angle, but Levi still managed to land perfectly in place and drag his blade into the nape of the neck.

Perfect. Every time, he was perfect.

Erwin looked straight ahead, and brought the Survey Corps forward, leaving Levi behind to take care of the other titans that had caught sight of him. He wanted to look back, but he knew it was a mistake. That’s how new recruits got killed, and that’s how older recruits broke the formation.

Sure enough, it was only what felt like a few seconds before Levi shot forward and landed on his horse, who was still diligently trotting behind Erwin’s. 

“Shit, fucking bastards are as stupid as ever,” Levi grumbled, and grabbed hold of the horse.

Erwin said nothing, but when he looked over, he couldn’t help but do a double take. Levi kept grabbing the horse’s reigns, adjusting his left hand every once in a while. “Levi.”

“I’m good.”

They rode in silence. They were only a few miles away from their checkpoint for the evening, and Erwin could only hope that the other troops were holding up well enough. He wasn’t able to get another good look at Levi’s wrist until he launched forward at the next titan that began to approach the formation. At this point, it was obvious that the corporal was doing anything to avoid any further casualties. If he could save a least one life before they got to the checkpoint, he would be happy. 

With his usual effortless front, he made it to the titan’s neck. But as the blades dragged across the nape, one shot out of his right hand, and onto the ground.

Levi was injured. Erwin’s eyes widened slightly, and moved his horse to dodge the falling body as the Corporal landed back on his horse and followed the larger man. “Fucking hell,” Levi grumbled, and hissed as he grabbed at the horse’s reigns once again.

“We’re a mile away. Let the others handle any other titans.”

“Oi, what—“

“That’s an order.”

“Fine, Erwin.”

Erwin shut his eyes for a brief moment, and opened them again. It was then that he realized exactly _what_ the problem was. His chest tightened, and he made a silent prayer to whatever diety was out there in an attempt to assure Levi’s safety.

~~

Erwin had thrown away hundreds of lives during his time as a Commander, so why was this one any different?

The Special Ops squad cleared any titans surrounding their checkpoint, and the Survey Corps ushered themselves into the abandoned castle with relative ease.  The horses were tied up for the night, given ample food and water, and the soldiers put themselves on higher ground. 

“How many casualties?” Levi inquired, leaning against the doorframe of Erwin’s temporary room. It was filthy, of course. Humanity hadn’t been in these parts fior God knows how long.

“So far, ten.”

Levi nodded. Erwin watched him move. He was feline with his actions. Perhaps that was what drew the commander to him. “Better than usual.”

“You took on more than you should have.”

Levi pursed his lips, and turned away. “I’ll kill as many of them as I can.”

Erwin slammed his hand against the wall. “God damn, Levi, we can’t afford for you to be acting so carelessly!” He was angry. Not because Levi was taking on so much, but the prospect of him perishing in battle seemed all the more real now. Humanity’s Strongest wasn’t supposed to get injured. It was a reminder that though he was the strongest, Levi was still very, _very_ human.

The outburst caught the smaller man off guard. Instead of submitting to the words, his mouth twisted into a snarl and he glared at the Commander. “And what do you propose I do? Stay behind you and fucking watch my comrades eat shit?”

“Sacrifices need to be made.”

“Fuck off, Erwin, what I do is my business.”

More often than not, Levi was sour and painfully blunt, and other times, though very rarely, he was an absolute pain in the ass to deal with. There was a reason that he did not work well in teams, and Erwin sometimes forgot that. 

“You’re endangering the Survey Corps.”

“I disagree.”

“How’s your wrist?”

Erwin expected Levi to shrink back, or to drop the argument. When several small fingers curled around his bolo tie and pulled him forward, it would have been an understatement to say that he was shocked. To make matters worse, it was Levi’s injured right hand that was pulling him forward. “You tell me, asswipe.” He let go, and Erwin stumbled back slightly.

“You’re awful.”

“I’m effective.” 

Levi excused him from the room, and Erwin could just barely catch a glimpse of the corporal shaking his hand slightly, followed by a soft hiss that escaped from his lips.

The next day, Erwin could see a torn cloth wrapped tightly around the Corporal’s wrist, just barely peeking out from his shirt. It was meant to keep his hand from going astray, no doubt. “You’re injured,” he pointed out flatly.

Levi blinked. “So?”

Erwin sighed. He didn’t see the issue—he never did. Levi knew that he would be fine in battle, not matter the circumstances. He would push himself until they were back inside of the walls, or until he was dead. Injuries were meaningless. No matter what happened to his body, he would keep advancing.

Before, the Commander had admired it. Now, it just made him sick. Expected to keep up his performance, he pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t endanger your comrades.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Don’t be hypocritical.” Erwin pursed his lips, but said nothing. “Besides, this is not the first time I’ve been injured in battle.”

The commander rose a brow. “In the Survey Corps? I’ve never seen any other injuries.”

Levi shrugged. “I hid them better. Had I not been so close to your flank, you never would have known.”

Erwin sighed heavily, and turned away from the Corporal. “Be careful.”

“I’ve been handling myself for over thirty years, don’t fucking baby me, Erwin.”

The larger man turned slightly, and narrowed his eyes. “Keep casualties to a minimum.” It was a warning, and an order.

“Do you doubt me, now?” 

That caught Erwin off guard. “Hm?”

“Am I just a broken toy to you now?” he asked flatly. “You’re waiting to toss me to the side—you’re disappointed. I didn’t perform as expected.”

Erwin frowned. “I don’t think that’s it.”

“I do.”  
Erwin’s chest clenched again. He felt guilty. Levi was taking his concern the wrong way, but it would have been more detrimental to reveal the true reason for his concern. He stared long and hard at Levi’s face, and sighed again. “I trust you, Corporal.”

“Yeah.”

~~

The first time the two kissed was in Erwin’s office, at four in the morning the night they got back from the expedition. It was a rule of the corporals that he always fucked before he kissed. It was better that way. To him, the latter held more intimacy—more trust. The thought of swapping spit was, to him, more detestable than sex.

Erwin stood up from his desk, and approached the smaller man. They had been working in silence for hours, and it had been fairly obvious that the commander had spent most of his time staring at the smaller man.

Levi’s look flattened, and he stood up to retreat. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Erwin kept advancing, and he kept retreating, until his back hit a wall. This was it, he’d either submit, or beat the living hell out of the commander. Right now, he didn’t know which way it was going to go. Erwin grabbed his chin, and his mouth twisted into a snarl. “Let go of me, you fucking bastard.”

Erwin didn’t pay him any mind, but instead pulled him forward and forced him into a rough kiss. Levi at first pushed violently against Erwin’s chest, but eventually submitted and sloppily returned the gesture.

“I didn’t like that,” the corporal said, not a second after they broke apart. 

“Ah.” Erwin stared at him for a long time, and Levi shifted uncomfortably where he was standing. More gently this time, Erwin leaned down and pressed his lips against the Corporal’s. Levi immediately kissed back, but his movements were awkward. His hands danced between tangling themselves in Erwin’s hair and resting on his back, not exactly sure of where to go. 

The commander could feel Levi’s heart begin to speed up, and it didn’t take long for his own to begin skipping beats. It felt good. Levi’s mouth was small, and surprisingly soft, though it was obvious that he had no sort of skill at this level of intimacy at all. 

Erwin pulled away. “You’ve never kissed anyone before, have you.”  

Levi furrowed his brow. “No. I have not.”

“Why?” 

“Because it sounded gross.”

“Was the second one better?”

Levi’s face visibly heated up, and he turned away to hide it. “Hardly.”

Erwin wanted to hold him, but it wasn’t right. Levi didn’t want it. His hands twitched, itching to grab the smaller man, but he stood still, and let Levi pace around him. Instead, he smiled softly at Levi, who scowled in return. The two of them, without another word, returned to their work.

~

During the next expedition, the Survey Corps suffered a casualty rate of forty percent, and the public had taken it fairly poorly. Even worse than that, Levi had taken it to heart. By now, the two of them were good at dealing with death. Or, at the very least, pushing the guilt just far enough away that they could continue on.

This time, though, Levi had faltered. He was a second too late, and it had costed the Survey Corps at least ten lives. It hadn’t been his job to protect the flanks, but he was already in their area, and had put it on himself to make sure they returned alive.   
So, that night, he sat in Erwin’s office, face pressed against the cool glass of the window. “I delivered the letters to their families,” he said softly.

“In person?”

“Yes. It sucked.”

That explained it. Erwin knew how Levi got with that. Sometimes, it wasn’t the actual death that was the most upsetting, but the reaction of the loved ones. “You didn’t have to.”

“I did. It keeps up our reputation,” he lied. It was true, of course, but that had not been Levi’s reasoning. “I sometimes imagine who my letter will go to.”

Erwin didn’t answer that thought—he knew where Levi came from, and that he was the only one left. 

“Probably to you.”

That caught Erwin by surprise. “Excuse me?”

The corporal shrugged. “You’re the only one even worth sending the letter to. Not that it means much—I’m sure you’ll be there when it happens.”

“Why, though?”

“Because you’re the only one alive that I trust.”

Erwin sighed softly. He didn’t know if it was a good time, but the words wanted to come out. He took a deep breath, and shut his eyes for a moment. “Levi, come here.” And the corporal did. He stood dangerously close to Erwin, soft breaths tickling against his bare chest. His expression was blank, as it usually was before their expeditions, and he waited. 

“What is it, Erwin?”

“I love you.”

Levi didn’t react. His body didn’t tense up, his breathing didn’t change, and he made no verbal response. “Ah. That’s what this is about, then. I thought you had been acting strange lately.” It was like he was on the battle field—prepared for and unmoved by anything. 

It was bizarre. After all that he had done in the war, and after all of the lives he had sacrificed, he could have sworn that he could never have felt as awful as he did at that moment. Levi stared at him blankly, and then cracked his shoulders, then his neck, and leaned against Erwin’s desk. “Levi?” Erwin said softly, and moved to get closer to him.

Levi simply held up a hand, signaling for him to stop. “Don’t.” When the larger man froze, the corporal sighed softly. “You shouldn’t be doing this.”

“I understand.” Erwin felt sick. His stomach kept twisting and twisting and fucking twisting, while Levi stood there and looked at him like he was starting to grow another head.

“You are supposed to kill me.”

Erwin tried to take a step forward once more, and this time Levi let him. “There are a set few in this war that humanity cannot afford to lose.”

Levi sighed. “You’re getting soft.” He licked his lips, and tapped his fingers against the desk’s wooden surface. “But, perhaps, I am heading down the same path.”

“What do you mean?”

The smaller man shut his eyes. “Is it that humanity cannot afford to lose me, or that you cannot afford to lose me?” His eyes opened again, and he gave Erwin a flat look. “I find that humans are fickle. I believe there are more than a few within the walls that would like to see me with a rope around my neck.”

“That may be true.”

“It is definitely true.”

Erwin felt sick. He knew that Levi was cold, and that he would hardly react in a desirable manner, but no matter how much he tried to prepare himself for it, his stomach kept churning. No matter how far ahead he usually thought, part of him still expected Levi to push himself up on his toes and kiss him, or at least say something in reply to the confession. He knew, in reality, that it was highly unlikely. Levi had mentioned in passing his inability to maintain or even express a romantic relationship, so it only made sense that he would be poor at responding to the intimate feelings of another human being.  

He looked at Erwin for a long time, then scooped a pile of papers up into his arms. “Shit, these need to get done tonight.”

“I can do them.”

“You need to get some rest, you’re exhausted.”

Erwin rose a brow. “Levi, I sleep more than you do.”

“And we’re going to keep it that way.”

Without another word, Levi ushered himself out of the room and into his own. 

~~

Levi felt his heart pound against his heart so loud that he could have sworn everyone that passed him in the hallway could hear it. He held the papers hard against himself, not caring if they got wrinkled. After all, at least a third of them would be rendered useless by the time they got back from the rapidly approaching expedition. 

He ducked into his room, and stayed pressed against the door once it was locked, eyes squeezed shut. Erwin wasn’t supposed to act like this. He was supposed to be the heartless commander, the man that took without giving back, and the man who would ultimately lead humanity to victory. He was supposed to fuck Levi, not love him. There was no fucking way he could let Humanity’s Strongest perish with that being the situation.

Levi rolled his shoulders. The best he could do was put on his normal face, and scold the Commander. What he wanted was to tell him that yes, he loved him too, and that that was the whole fucking reason he had stayed in the Survey Corps for this long. The only things he wanted were freedom and Erwin Smith.

He put the papers on the desk, and rested his head on the cool wooden surface. God damn, he didn’t have time for this. He had another expedition to plan for. They had just gotten back, but there was no time to waste. Levi dipped his pen into the ink, and began to fill out the papers. 

~~

Erwin acted like the ordeal had never happened. He entered Levi’s room later that night, and grabbed him by the shirt so that he could throw him unceremoniously against the Corporal’s desk. Hands immediately busied themselves with removing the smaller man’s clothes, and Levi hardly made any attempt to stop them. “God damnit, you fucking slut.”

“Hypocritical, considering that you’re the one with your hands down my pants,” Levi grunted, but wrapped his legs around the Commander’s so that he’d be forced to move closer. He bucked his hips forward, and in turn Erwin pressed him harder against the desk. 

“You don’t seem to be complaining, Corporal,” Erwin murmured, kneading at Levi’s erection with one of his hands. “You’re already hard. Were you looking forward to this?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Hardly.”

“Don’t lie to me, _boy_.”

The word send shivers down Levi’s spine, and he felt his erection twitch under Erwin’s grasp. “Goddamnit, you fucking control freak,” the smaller man gasped out, bare flesh pressing hard against Erwin’s desk. “At least take your own clothes off.”

“I’d prefer if you took care of it,” Erwin murmured, pumping Levi’s throbbing cock much slower than necessary. He knew it would drive Levi insane, and after only a few seconds of the treatment, his body began to writhe beneath the larger man’s. 

Shaking hands tried to undo Erwin’s clothing, and the longer it took, the longer Erwin would continue to handle him like this. Levi shuddered and all but tore the shirt off of the Commander, and them immediately shot to his pants with nervous hands. 

When his clothes were removed, Levi expected Erwin to stop. He always did. This time, however, he kept stroking the smaller man until he felt himself reach the brink of orgasming. “Shit, Erwin, stop, I—“ A hand was clamped over his mouth, and he moaned into the flesh.

“I’m going to take care of things quickly. You said you had work to do, and I don’t want to keep you.” He fumbled around Levi’s desk until his fingers found the small container of oil that Levi kept. He put a sizable amount on his hand, and covered his erection before pulling Levi close to him again.

“Jesus, you really are in a rush—you don’t even want me to suck your dick.”

Without a word, Erwin slammed him against the wood of the desk, and thrusted into the smaller man much harder than necessary. Levi cried out, and he felt Erwin’s eyes on him.

He looked up for just a second, and saw that same fucking bewildered look on his face, like Levi was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and bullshit that made him want to fucking puke. He felt his own chest clench up, and he inhaled awkwardly in an attempt to compose himself.

Levi pushed his hand up against Erwin’s face, and wrenched his own eyes shut. “Don’t fucking look at me like that, shit head.” Erwin froze, and an almost feral noise came from Levi’s throat. “I’m going to fucking kill you, don’t _look_ at me like that!”

Erwin shuddered, and thrusted into the Corporal again, who in turn yelped and arched his back. “If you don’t like it, then close your eyes.”

“Erwin—“

“I love you.”

“ _Don’t_.”

Erwin saw that look in his eye—the rage that bubbled up when Levi was backed into a corner. The commander adjusted himself and pushed back into Levi at just the right angle to hit his prostate. Levi’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his nails dragged much harder down Erwin’s chest. The larger man couldn’t help but inhale sharply, but quickly found himself numbed to the pain. 

“I’m your weapon, your _tool_. I am _not_ your lover,” Levi spat, swinging his hand to strike Erwin in the face. Instead of hitting his mark, the commander easily caught his wrist. He paused, and thrusted into Levi hard enough to make him cry out and shudder violently. “You’re supposed to use me. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“‘I’m sorry.”

“What does it mean, to love someone like me?” The question caught Erwin off guard, but from Levi’s movements, he knew at the very least to keep fucking him. He stumbled over his words to answer it, but Levi quickly stopped him. The corporal rolled his hips, and felt Erwin twitch inside of him. “Are you trying to tell me that you’d like me all to yourself? Because I haven’t been fucking anyone else.”

Erwin squeezed Levi’s hand hard, but he didn’t react. Instead, Levi focused more on the commander’s erection that was moving in and out of him. It felt good. Shit, he just wanted to come. “It’s more than that.”

“I don’t understand,” Levi said softly. The pressure building up inside of him was distracting. Still, no matter what the conversation was, he preferred to talk during sex. It, at the very least, made him last a bit longer. “Why me?”

The commander wrapped an arm around Levi’s waist and pulled him close. “Because you’re perfect.” 

The smaller man felt his blood run cold, but was temporarily distracted by Erwin’s movement against his prostate. The pressure in his lower abdomen was already near unbearable, and the last few thrusts were enough to send him over the edge. “God damnit, Erwin,” he gasped out, and an orgasm swept over his body, with Erwin following soon after.

“You build me up too high. I’m a human, and a horrific one at that,” Levi grumbled. “Don’t waste your breath on stupid shit like that.” Erwin looked hurt, and he felt guilt bloom in his chest. Instead of speaking, he pulled Erwin down hard and crashed their lips together in an awkward kiss, teeth clashing against each other ever so slightly. He had never been good at intimacy. Still, the commander tried to return the action. 

Levi felt Erwin pull out of him, but he still didn’t loosen his grip on the smaller man.

“Levi—“

Erwin was cut off by Levi pressing their foreheads together. “Don’t die,” he muttered. “Whatever you do, don’t fucking die.”

Erwin let out an awkward, airy laugh. “I can’t promise you that, whatever humanity needs to—“

“I know you have motives larger than humanity. Don’t fucking bullshit me.”

Erwin pursed his lips. “I promise, then.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick little thing I wrote to try and get myself out of my little rut. *^*


End file.
